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The Stillness Taught Me What the Struggle Couldn’t
Devinair Mathis
April 21, 2025
We all carry a divine, infinite power within us. But tapping into it? That takes a level of self-awareness most of us don’t activate until we’re in a full-on crisis. I’ve seen it time and time again—folks (myself included) wait for a breakdown to finally spark that inner awakening. And even then, the connection doesn’t always last. Once life levels back out, it’s easy to slide back into familiar habits. I’ll be real—I used to be that guy.
There was a time when someone could’ve easily said I was “out of alignment.” I had big dreams, but my actions weren’t matching that vision. I could see what I wanted in other people’s realities, but I couldn’t wrap my head around how to make it mine. It looked like luck—being in the right place, at the right time.
I studied people who seemed locked in. Their belief in themselves was unshakable. They weren’t faking confidence, they were aligned. And me? I wanted that so bad. I knew I had it in me, but I didn’t know where to begin.
In 2018, I watched Eat Pray Love for the first time. Julia Roberts went on this transformative solo trip, and something about it cracked something open in me. Her journey felt like divine timing—because around the same time, I ended up on my own solo trip to Europe. She ate. She prayed. She loved. Me? I ate. I thought. I spiraled. But it led me to something deeper: prayer.
That season of my life—especially the experiences I had while dating—was a mirror. One I couldn’t ignore. I had to face the uncomfortable truth: I didn’t fully love myself. I didn’t know my worth. And I couldn’t keep outsourcing my value.
That's when I stumbled across meditation. Not the surface-level, stress-relief stuff I saw on Google—but the ancient, intentional practice rooted in Buddhism. That’s when the shift really began.
But let me tell you… it wasn’t easy.
That first attempt at meditation? Brutal. Five minutes felt like forever. I was irritated, impatient, and honestly just looking for instant results. Spoiler alert: meditation doesn’t work like that. Over the next few weeks, I kept showing up, frustrated that I didn’t “feel” anything yet. Eventually, I had to check myself—I was chasing a result instead of trusting the process.
Rome wasn’t built in a day, right?
I ditched the guided meditations and started exploring frequency and Solfeggio music instead. 20 minutes a day, right before clocking in at one of the busiest restaurants in Hollywood. My nights were loud, chaotic, and overstimulating. But meditation taught me how to go within—how to find peace in the middle of noise.
That’s when I knew: the shift had finally taken root.
What I started to notice was wild: in the middle of the chaos at work—drinks flying, people yelling, music blaring—I was able to tune it all out. Somehow, I was having internal conversations with myself during those shifts. Not full-blown dialogues like I have with myself now (you know the ones), but I was observing. And what I saw was powerful: the madness around me wasn’t messing with my peace.
Even using the word peace back then felt foreign. But the fact that it came up? That told me I was on to something.
It felt like I was unlocking a new level within myself—like my nervous system was slowly remembering how to rest. I wasn't just avoiding the noise. I was transcending it. And that awareness started bleeding into every area of my life.
I was no longer taking on other people’s stress like it was mine. That was a big one. I could hold space for them, but not absorb it.
I’d recommend meditation to people who told me they were overwhelmed, and most of the time they’d brush it off. I’d get it—they weren’t in the same space yet. Still, I’d gently tell them, “It’s not magic—but it does work.” Because by then, I had been meditating for months, and I felt the shift.
I stopped needing people to get it. I just kept showing up for myself.
That was the real breakthrough.
What surprised me most about this journey is how badly I had been craving validation. For so long, I thought self-love came through others choosing me, praising me, seeing me. But the deeper I went within, the more I started to give those things to myself. Love. Trust. Honor. Value. All the things I thought I had to earn, I began to embody. And the more I gave them to myself, the less I needed from the outside world. That confidence I saw in others? I realized it wasn't a mystery—it was alignment. And I was finally stepping into it.
The old me would’ve kept chasing love in all the wrong places, making decisions from a place of lack. I was calling in emotionally unavailable people because, deep down, I wasn’t fully available to myself yet. Meditation helped me change that. It gave me the clarity to recognize my patterns, the stillness to sit with them, and the power to break them.
What I’ve learned is that peace is not passive. Peace is a choice. And I choose it every day.
Even now, with everything happening in the world—chaos, conflict, uncertainty—I’ve noticed that my inner world doesn’t move the same. I’m aware of what’s going on, but I don’t let it consume me. My energy is protected. My spirit is rooted. And the wildest part? I still manifest. Even in the madness, blessings come in. Because Source doesn’t need the conditions to be perfect to bless you. It just needs you to be present.
This practice didn’t make me perfect. But it made me whole. And that wholeness? That’s the foundation of everything I’m building now.
Sit with This
If you’ve made it this far, take a breath. And ask yourself:
Where in your life are you still waiting for external validation to confirm your worth?
What would it look like to give yourself the love, trust, and honor you've been craving from others?
When was the last time you truly sat with yourself—without noise, distraction, or expectation?
What version of you is waiting to be activated… once you choose stillness over striving?
There’s power in those answers. And even more in the quiet you meet them with.
If this reflection spoke to something deep in you—and you're ready to explore what it means to co-create with something greater—my course, Co-Create With the Universe, is here when you are. It’s not about perfection. It’s about presence, alignment, and returning to your inner power.
it’s linked below- only if and when it resonates.
But until then… keep choosing you. Again and again.
—Devinair
Who is Devinair Mathis?
I am a Spiritualpreneur, creator, and guide. From actor to energetic healer, I teach self-mastery, personal power, and how to align your truth with your purpose.
✨ Ready to Co-Create With the Universe?
I designed his course for anyone feeling called to break free from he matrix and step into their power. You’ll learn how to align with purpose, trust your energy, and create a life rooted freedom, flow, and fulfillment.
